" . . . the shadows of the abyss are like the petals of a monstrous flower that shall blossom within the skull and expand the mind beyond what any man can bear . . . "

Welcome. This webbed site is for the purposes of—in a nutshell—documentation. Essentially a blog, expect this to be full of personal information and documents. Here I'll be creating records as it relates to project details and personal speculation. As it relates to who I am, well,,, I haven't chosen a name to go by here yet, and I don't really want to use my irl name. I'll update it here when I make a decision. Please use he/him pronouns for me. I am transgender (transmasc), genderqueer, and aroace. I'm autistic, and it serves as a large part of my identity for reasons I may or may not write an article about. I'm 18. I live in the US as a first-gen latin-American; My parents immigrated here from Venezuela for university, and my sister and I were born shortly after. I thus speak spanish, and was raised on it and english rather equally. I intend to implement a language switch that'll give you access to a spanish translation of my work at some point. My interests vary greatly, and I'd be content to learn just about anything, but I do have long-running special interests which... are hard to talk about briefly, so I'd like to write an article addressing it. For now, know that I have a passion for philosophical thought (from metaphysics to philosophy of mind to social justice paradigms) and ecology (+ any pure science I can get my hands on). That quick description though could never do the depths of my fascinations justice. My special interests are highly specific, and they're all interwoven and stem from the same roots. I've just graduated high school (on May 29th). And haven't actually applied to colleges yet. I'm taking a gap year, and will be doing so this fall. I love reading and writing. I journal as well as write creatively (in a way! I will elaborate! at some point!). I created this web site for essentially two reasons: 1. to have a place to archive any and all work. I have a mania for archival and documentation, and wanted a place to be able to do so. I spend most of my time working on personal projects and thinking up a storm for no particular reason other than an enjoyment of critical thinking (it's like a puzzle!) and to me it always felt like I never really did much of anything ever, because of the lack of—in my own words—tangible product I could put out into the world. I wanted there to be proof out there that I had accomplished things, even if those things were philosophical conclusions or failed terrariums. So that's why I decided to make a blog for archival and documentation where I could display that information. I don't want my mind to be the only place where the breadth of ME lives. I love writing and I think it's really the most whole and candid reflection of my soul, and I want that to exist out there in some accessible and enduring fashion. I want to be known... who doesn't though :P. I know I'm ranting, but I just love it. I feel the most me, the most real, the most alive when I'm spilling my guts out onto a piece of paper (or a screen!). And 2. to have a creative outlet for my own personal design enjoyment! I absolutely adore website-building as an artistic and expressionist medium, and I want to explore its potential and express myself through it! About that, though... I'm only a teenage amateur web builder, so this site will probably be under construction for quite some time. It is at the current moment my hyperfixation, and a fantastic way to channel my special interests, so I'm sure I'll be keeping this up for the forseeable future. I appreciate your patience as I figure this out!


Status Haven't been on here recently. Been feeling suuper useless :( Annihilation always cheers me up though x] ! 06.24.2024

thinking about...
How completely do I want to spill my guts to you? The most entire version of me is informal, vulgar, brutish,,, boring. Almost too human. Have I gotten too comfortable in my own body? Clearly, this is an absurd problem. Nonetheless, it really boils down to the person I identify with, as,, and the reality of the way I interact with the world. Do I keep up the persona in order to best communicate who I see myself as, who I feel I am? Or do I let myself all out? Sacrifice the sanctity of my image for a more rounded, but weaker, depiction? I deeply value subjectivity, the experience. Empathy, ego, self-compassion. How do I most accurately be? here. Without finding myself too exposed? Is that even possible? I don't know. We'll see I suppose. I find myself doing it right now, speaking more formally so to appear to have more depth, though I can't really vouch for how succesful an attempt it is.

table of favorites...
Books Annihilation (Southern Reach Trilogy / Area X) by Jeff Vandermeer, Exhalation by Ted Chiang, Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel
Movies Wall-e, How to Train Your Dragon, Megamind, Horton Hears A Who (traumatically formative /j), Song of the Sea, Black Swan
Shows Adventure Time, Hannibal, Scooby-Doo Mystery Incorporated, SAO (first arc), Over the Garden Wall, Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, OK K.O. Let's Be Heroes
Audio Shows The Magnus Archives
Music Would be too big to go here. Article.
Video Games Pathologic, Who's Lila
Word Reconcile

this July 2024... (italics are rewatches)
Books 1. Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky
2. The Romantic Poets published by Peter Norton
Shows Tower 4, Minecraft Diaries
Movies Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle
Music Artist: Car Seat Headrest
Song: There Must Be More Than Blood by Car Seat Headrest
Album:
Genre: Post-Punk

Projects?

Researching...
UHh. Nothing rn...06.24.2024
Hyperfixating On:
Annihilation06.24.2024
I've read this book several times already, this is maybe my fourth time? It's so exciting, though! I managed to wrap a friend into reading it, too, and they're really getting it!! It's so exciting getting to talk about it with someone who's really interested!

As mentioned above, most of my time is spent on personal projects I work on in my free time. These projects range from working on my goldfish tank to worldbuilding. I want this site to be a place where I can post information about my projects and keep a log on them, both to document my work but also for organization. That is, I want this to be a place where I can plan.

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