Hey guys OH my GOD. I've been trying literally ALL month to get a blog post out because there's been so much in my brain but I just. can't. fucking focus. It's brutal out here. I'm currently procrastinating doing some college application writings because my lord i cannot bear to repeat myself like this. I'm so bored!! I'm so autistic. I feel like a rabid animal sometimes. I'm just like looking at my desktop. I switched to linux by the way. I'm using debian and MATE as my desktop enviroment. It's mostly temporary I think I'll probably switch to ARCH at some point just becuase I like the flexibility of it more. That's what it's all about at the end of the day. I like the customization options. I'm interested maybe in a more command-line centric desktop environment? I like GUI but I think command line is a lot of fun too and I'd like to explore that. I really really like debian and MATE so far though. It is so so so wonderful. Obviously all this computer science bullshit is my newest hyperfixation, probably definitely it'll integrate into the wider special interest, and I'm mourning biology. I mean it's not gone obviously, but I just spend so much less time on it. I'm on my computer every waking moment I can spare now. I've neglected my little betta tank (betta not included, I was waiting to resolve an algae issue first, it's in the works) and it's kinda all gunked up now. I mean, it was always a little gunked up with the rate of fucking primary production going on there jesus christ but I mean that's my fault for putting it in front of the fucking window you know? I really should just move it. I mean I want to get netrite or mystery snails to aid in the uhhhhhhhh gunk removal but I want to monitor the water first and see if it's pretty stable first. Maybe I should definitely put a tank cover over it to minimize evaporation. Well anyways. I mean I'm really glad I switched over to more robust bio-setups. Like the moss is just mossin'. I still have that liver(?)wort growing and that's fucking sick. The most annoying thing really about biology is that it's going to take fucking forever to set up and having something else to occupy my time is nice in that regard but I mean I switch interests and motivation so intensely and quickly that I neglect whatever I was previously working on. I'll be damned if I can get something done around here. Oh but you know what I am getting done?? Computer science bullshit!!! I'm doing so much fucking research into this stuff and honestly having a fucking ball. I mean I dd finally switch to linux obviously and I've been customizing it slowly as I realize what I need here and there. I also for the most part discontinued use of my gmail address and started using a non-free service (a modest $1 a month) which—just means that it offers actual privacy and some cool services. I have access to encryption, aliases, and all of my office suite features are secure as well. For a while there also I spent like 24/7 on my bookbug bookclub page, which turned out fucking adorable in my humble opinion. It's not done yet. I need to create a little uhh automated update thingy with xml and set it up with ajax and then decide on my format for my reviews and etcetera I mean I still have stuff to do I just kind of ran dry on motivation on that front for now. I really need to make a button. I have been reading the book, I'm about 40 pages out from the finish and I really am enjoying it and would love to talk about it, but of course I'll save that for the review... Which I might just upload here and link? unsure. Either way I'm suuuuper proud of my little grub :D I drew them all by myself and they don't have a name but I just think they're so adorable. I want to make a little grub favicon too but we'll see. I also received this copy of an O'Reilly manual for XSLT, 2nd edition, so it covers XSLT 2.0. I like, on the same day, discovered an online stash of pretty much every O'Reilly book I could want for coding so it felt a bit redundant, but they only have the 1rst edition online, so ha! Not a waste of money. Nonetheless I did finally manage to figure something XSLT out. I don't really want to talk about the project i needed it for here because I'd like to keep those two web-ventures of mine seperate, but I'm so so happy with how it came out. It feels like I can really get working on the real meat of it. I'm very excited! That makes me think of ANOTHER web project I want to work on. Honestly I may start a seperate blog for that... Like... Not connected to this one. I don't like compromising the fronts of my alternate reality projects. And I have this really really strong drive to make every fiction project I make an alternate reality one. I mean I think it's awesome, but it does present inconveniences, like an unwillingness to agknowledge it's in-progress-ness, or to share anything about it until it's "finished". Conveniently I don't finish anything so that's really great for me. I also don't want to connect this website and that one because I want to remain anonymous as an author on that. I mean, I'm sure the astute observer could figure it out, but I don't want to be obvious. Compromised integrity or front or whatever. I do have this preference for "security" or "privacy" which means I do really enjoy having my stuff disconnect, untracked, etc, and I do want to keep looking into web security, digital privacy etc. Which kinda fits right in and goes well with the fact that I want to really understand my tools. I don't like relying on extreme abstraction for functionality. That bothers me. Which is really why I like linux so much. I mean it's unsuprising, it's very common, i'm sure especially among autistic people. Ah, autistic people and the gestalt. Anyways it's really fun for me to break this stuff down, understand and control it, look deeper, put it all together. It's sort of something I would say is my thing! Self-organizing systems! Emergent paradigms! etc.! but I mean I've also seen this sort of integration of another idea into all this special interest mess. Anarchist prepping. So I've always been very very interested in prepping generally for broadly what I would say is a wanting-to-have-a-greater-connection-to-my-things-than-just-a-consumer sentiment but also that I can pretty easily find myself a bit paranoid and scared. I don't feel much security in the world around me. I feel quite the strong urge to have a backup plan in case something, everything goes wrong with society. Particularly society. I don't know. Anyways. I've always been interested in that general prepping-ness but I generally discarded it as something I couldn't really pursue without inherently leaning into sort-of colonial ideas, I mean homesteading on stolen land is just kinda? fucked up? So I left it at that because I jsut knew no way around it. So when I discovered that prepping could go with mutualistic ideas like anarchy, I was thrilled. For that reason I've become more interested in anarchy as a political idea. I kind of just called myself anarcho-commie because I mean that was often extreme enough and I was really unsure where to go from there. But I really love the ideas of mutual aid and community safety nets and that sort of grassroots organization and anarchist prepping is all about essentially prepping for disaster, complication, or just hardship from a community, mutual-aid centric point of view. It's about trying to organize resources to support a community and learning skills and specializing on what you know you can do because you can serve the community in specialized ways. And I've always wanted to build radios and more primitive tech and stuff. And a lot of the computer science research I've been doing has also been from the bottom up, from simple circuits, transistors, logic gates, to micro and even macro-architecture, so I'm really curious how I can make this my toaster. God I want this to be my toaster so fucking bad. Shoutout to Thomas Thwaites, forever toaster guy to me. He'll never know how often I go "wow this needs to be my toaster". But also I've been doing from the big to the small so I'm doing more and more research into older computers and how they worked and the old web and yk working down. I want to totally thoroughly understand computers. My instinct says that without building one, without putting every piece down myself, I'll never truly understand the gestalt, and honestly, that sounds sick as fuck so I'm inclined to follow that instinct. Okey Dokey I'm gonna like, peace out for now because I ran out of things to say for now but like? I'll be back real soon probs. God I really need a microblog. Working on it!!! Oh also: quick note for the general public and he-whom-I-hope-isn't-listening, free palestine, and kinda if you think otherwise, uh you're sort of racist as fuck! And I'm not particularly interested in discussing it with people who'll talk down to me. Sorta a deal-breaker. Just needed to get that off my chest because sometimes you're just too disgusted and afraid to talk to someone now! Sometimes you're really just your father's daughter (full of fear of men).
